It's times like these...

For those who have tried to raise a sick and dying puppy I'm fairly sure you'd understand how I feel at the moment.

It bothers me that there are people in my family (myself included) who aren't people that are reliable when it comes to socializing, be it making friends, keeping friends or socialization that is required to stay alive and connected in this day in age i.e. job searching, people management and PR. It bothers me even more when I extend a hand out to those in hopes of bringing them at least to my level and beyond, kinda like the belief where people can improve on things if they worked together, such as pointing out faults in each other and working ways to improve each other through well... connection. I love my mother... very dearly. In fact she's one of the few that I'm willing to put everything on the line for in a heartbeat. So much that 20 years of growing under negative enforcement, abuse be it physical or mental and the fact that she plays a big part in our family being a bit screwed up has not phased my love for her. I'm only writing this cause it hurts seeing someone like her headed toward a dead end and all efforts I have made have been for naught. Mind you it's one of the only things that have hurt me to the point of tears, and consideration of seeking help from a professional.

To break things down simply, my mother shows no potential of being able to live on her own without financial help from anyone. For a few years I've realized this and I've been trying to inch my way to changing her should there be a case of divorce or death (bless my dad's soul). And much like trying to polish a piece of shit, it still doesn't shine. I feel like quite the retard too... still continuously trying to polish that shit to make it shine even though something in the back of my head is screaming at me to stop and focus on more worthwhile things in life.

Life isn't any easier when you're being tricked out of your own money by people and you're broke. And with the advent of midterms in the coming weeks, as well as problems with friends as well as the itching sense loneliness looming over your shoulder, things just pile up to make that burden on your back even heavier as it was before.

Simply put... I'm posting this because I just broke down earlier, I'm guessing it's one of those cases with the straw on the camel's back or something. I'm also posting this because people have told me that writing things down will make you feel better. People have also told me that telling other people about problems in life makes you feel better. So far, it's working.

It's times like these that get me to listen to music for hours on end though... guess it's a good time to pop in a pile of random music for study eh? Emotional rushes like these help artists create art as well, so maybe this might prove helpful to me.

In any case, I'm still putting in a good deal of time I have to practicing on the tables and mixing... hopefully I'll be able to shovel something out onto here soon!

祭り始まるぞぉぉ！

I have just been able to complete my DJ set a few days back so I will be able to work everything soon!
I'll also be able to get this blog running once I get enough practice to start mixing and scratching.
I have pictures of my entire set. It consists of two turntables, a set of time-coded vinyls, a connectiv interface for the computer, a mixer with fx options, my laptop and my tv for speakers.